There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
