you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
