Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
