judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He shit in the fireplace
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