too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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