ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
