If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
