I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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