ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
