I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
