He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
