don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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