cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
