How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
