What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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