Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
