you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
