didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
