I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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