Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
