I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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