That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
