This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
