I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
