I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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