It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
