are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
