Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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