Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
