i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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