So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How's work?
Spinning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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