This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
