She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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