The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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