you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
