Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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