I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
