Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize