I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
