I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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