we made out on top of his cat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
