Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
