i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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