hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
