So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
