I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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