I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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