I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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