I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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