Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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