I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
