Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
