you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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