Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
