ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
