Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize