My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
