literally had 100 drinks last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
