Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
