Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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