Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
