Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize