I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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