I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
