oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
