I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
