I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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