Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
