Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
