I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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