happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize