Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
