so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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