please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
