My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
