Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
