This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
