If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
