You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
