JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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