Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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