I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
