apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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