If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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