don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize