I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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