Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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