So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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