a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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