Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
