he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
