he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
