I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
