worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
