in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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